We are in a democratic country! This blog and everything in it is owned by a not perfect human being. She doesn't force you to read or agree with what she puts or writes here, so if you see something you don't like, the X button up there is more than happy to serve you. Copying, taking or reproducing are not allowed without her consent. Feel free to leave a message on her tagboard. I respect whatever your opinion may be because I'm entitled with my opinion. :) I rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for what I am not.

I'm encountering a lot of signs but sometimes, I'm thinking that its all coincidence. Right now, I admit that I really lost my faith with God. I feel so sorry for myself but I need to let it out. Yeah, its true, I dunno what's been happening to me. I don't pray or go to mass and even if I go, I'm still not interested. I'm trying to get back my faith. Maybe, this is one of the reasons why its so hard for me to focus on my studies. About those signs? Actaully, I'm beginning to be tired of these feelings for him. At last! It just started last month, I dunno but maybe because time heals all wounds as they say.

Anyway, I usually dream of my mom getting away from me, since I was little, I kept of dreaming this.

Abandonment
To dream that you are abandoned, suggests that it is time to leave behind past feelings and characteristics that are hindering your own growth. Let go of your old attitudes. A more direct and literal interpretation of this dream is that you have a fear of being deserted, abandoned, or even betrayed. Do you feel that people are neglecting your feelings? Dreaming that you are abandoned, may stem from a recent loss or a fear of losing a loved one. The fear of abandonment may manifest itself into your dream and is part of the healing process of dealing with losing a loved one. It may also stem from unresolved feelings or problems from childhood.

To abandon others in your dream, suggests that you are overwhelmed by the problems and decisions in your life. http://projects.yukitenshi.net/dream

I already changed my layout for my Hearts Month. Well.. as you can see, the image is so dull, just because I wanted an image that have footprints. If you will look closer to the man on the image, he made footprints. The tree, it actually represents my hope for love. So mushy. I really want an end to this.

I rarely surf the internet these past few weeks. Totally, everytime I got home, all I can see is my bed and it keeps on telling me.. "Come on, sleep.. sleep.. sleep.." LOL~ Eventhough I wanted to surf the internet, something or someone is keeping me away from it. I promised to my blog that I'll manage to post everyday but it seems, I must sacrifice this for the sake of my studies. One reason is of course my studies, if I won't let go of this for now, I won't get higher grades than my pre-lim grades this mid-terms and finals. Second reason, him you know what, even if I repeat telling this to myself/to my blog, it's just the other way around. I'm feeling so tired, I want to forget about him and so on.. But deep inside, it's the other way around. It's almost 2 years that I keep on saying these things here but nothing has changed.

Something about my lovelife, present or still past? Well, my first boyfriend is somewhat falling in love with me again but I don't love him and he knows that, he knows that I still love my previous ex. I dunno if he wants me back but really, he keeps on texting me but all I want is me and him being friends, just friends and nothing more than that. I don't want to ask you if what should I do with him because, of course I know what I am doing with my life. No matter what happens, I will not fall to him. He's not my type and he just broked up with his previous girlfriend.

Valentines day? Of course, I want to have a date especially to someone I still love. Only to him. I'm so hopeless. Julia Fordham's here! I want to watch her! I love her songs! xDDD

Mid-term exams officialy started yesterday but we already took Religion and Soc. Arts last tuesday, they're just minor subjects. I think I did well in the exams. I still need to take Stat, Mandarin and Chemistry tomorrow and on Saturday. I hope, we won't have p.e class on Saturday so that I can go to Crowne Plaza Hotel just after taking the exam on Chem. Wish me luck!

...Taglish na! ♥ Out of Hiatus.

Seriously, tinatamad na ko mag blog. Siguro dahil wala din sa mood and ang daming ginagawa sa school. Finals na, grabe. Almost 1 month na lang tapos bakasyon na. Nagtatagalog ako kasi wala lang, wala sa mood ang utak ko mag english. Ngayon? Birthday ni Marsh (Nicey) ngayon, hehehe. Mahalagang tao sakin yun, lahat ng current feelings ko and oo na, pati problems alam niya, katext ko ba naman lagi eh. Dati, globe kami tapos ngayon smart na. Hehehe. Nagpapasalamat ako dahil lagi siyang andyan para magbigay ng opinion (not advice) at nakatulong sakin para maging masaya. Ang bitter ko talaga, as in.

Anyway, for today. Ayun, bagsak ako sa Statistics! I got 18 over 40. Shet. Tapos eto pa, sa sobrang ingay ng klase, tapos nasa likod pa ko kaya di ko talaga maintindihan sinasabi ng prof namin. Ewan ko pero parang nakatingin siya samin kasi super ingay ng mga katabi ko tapos bigla ba naman siyang nagbigay ng quiz! Inopen ko agad ung book ko habang naghihintay ng papel (mas mabuti nang maging parasite kesa maubos pera ko sa kakahingi nila ng papel sakin), di yun nakita ng prof namin, ayan.. nagstart na yung quiz, akala ng mga katabi ko pwede mag open ng book, eh di ayun, kinuha ng prof namin lahat ng papel nila pati yung iba din na naka open ung book, tapos pinalabas sila ng room. Nagulat ako pero di ko na lang pinahalata, ako lang natira dun sa row namin, akala ko pati ako kukunin yung papel, siguro timing lang talaga na hindi niya nakita ung ginawa ko tsaka siguro nakikita niya kong nakikinig kahit maingay ung klase pero nakatingin siya sakin after lumabas ng mga katabi ko, parang nagdududa pa. So medyo late na ko nagpasa ng papel, di ako makatingin kasi syempre, galit yun. Yung si Eliz naman, first time makuhanan ng papel, natulala after, hahaha.. Sa akin naman, parang lahat naman ata naranasan ko na during my elementary and highschool, lahat ng pagpapahiya. Kaya sulit pala talaga pag ganun, hindi ka na matatanga sa college pag nangyari sayo, matigas na loob mo.

Time ng Mandarin, si Lee yung prof namin dahil ata calligraphy na yung topic namin, sabi ng iba si Huang pa din daw prof namin, ewan ko basta kahit sino okay lang sakin. Wala kaming ginawa, binigay lang yung grades nung midterms, bumaba ako from 1.0 to 1.5. Ayun, nag demonstrate kung pano magsulat using Chinese brush and ink. Pinagdadala kami sa Wednesday, grabe, iba pala ang hawak nila sa brush, hindi normal na hawak sa ballpen.

Hindi kami nagclass sa Socio-Anthro, nagbigay lang ng instructions para sa next group activity. Bagsak ako sa exam, okay lang kasi mahirap talaga ung test, wala ata masyadong mataas dun eh, 32 over 70 lang ako, madami kaming mababa, sana makapasa ko. Bwisit talaga, madali naman talaga kasi yung subject na yun kung bakit ba kelangang pahirapan ung exam dahil lang sa 1A kami. Ang unfair, tapos yung exam ng ibang section na madali, ginawang unit test lang namin. Unfair talaga. Sa logic naman, 54 over 70 ako, okay na rin yun. ϋ

Ayoko ng prof namin sa Bio.Sci, bumalik na ung prof namin na buntis last month, nag maternity leave kasi, nawalan ng anak. Super boring grabe, ang layo dun sa prof na nagsubstitute sa kanya nung prelims and midterms namin na sobrang hyper and masaya. Akala namin wala siya pero dumating pa din siya ng mga 12:10, dapat wala ng klase pero bumalik ung iba, napagalitan kami syempre, tapos natuloy pa din yung reporting, continuation sa Wednesday tapos group na namin ang next pero eto ako, di pa din gumagawa ng Powerpoint, pero at least hinati na ng leader namin ung mga topics saming mga members. ϋ

Pumunta ako, si Eliz, si Phoebe, si Ikko and JJ sa Glorietta para bumili ng Chinese brush and ink sa National Bookstore. Pero kumain muna kami sa Binalot.ϋ Masaya naman, tawa kami ng tawa ni JJ, pinagttripan namin si Eliz, para kasing baliw yung babaeng yun, hindi malimutan yung nangyari sa kanya nung Math time. ϋ As usual, may sariling mundo sina Phoebe and Ikko (couple). Ayun, pagkabili, umuwi na ko pero di ko nanaman maalala kung san ang daan, di ko talaga makabisa yung Glorietta na yun! Nakakainis! So, after nun, dumaan ako sa mga tita ko para kunin yung misalette ko, sa kanya kasi ko nagpakuha eh. Ang sama ko talaga, di na nga ko nagsisimba tapos nagpapakuha lang ako ng misalette para sa Religion namin bukas. ϋ Ayun, nanganak na nga pala yung aso namin kahapon, dalawang color black & white tapos isang white. ϋ Matagal din naming hinintay mabuntis yun, matanda na kasi tapos akala namin di na mabubuntis. Sumabay pa talaga sa mga kapatid ko. Yung ate ko, ayaw niya aminin na more than a month na yung dinadala niya, sabi niya 1 week lang. Siguro natatakot sakin, hehehe. Dati kasi nahalata ko na, tapos medyo nagalit ako sa kanya kasi di pa sila kasal ng boyfriend niya, so ayun. Tapos yung asawa ng kuya ko, ganun dun, nabuntis muna bago nagpakasal. Siguro, ganun lang talaga, okay naman sa parents ko kasi may work na sila. Pero ewan ko, para sakin ang pangit pa din tignan, siguro dahil minulat nila ko na wag gawin yun hanggat hindi pa kasal lalo na kung hindi pa tapos sa pagaaral.

Ang dami ko pang gustong sabihin eh, hindi pa eto ang lahat, ang tagal ko din nawala, ang daming nangyari pero siguro tsaka ko na lang sasabihin yung iba. Paalam!

Just an ordinary day. We had a discussion in Logic and our prof gave us an assignment. Again, discussion in Statistics, I swear I won't be bored again on this subject. xDD We already used our Chinese brush and ink on our Mandarin time, Huang Lao Shi's back! ϋ We watched the film Yours, Mine & Ours during our Sociology-Anthropology but we will finish it by friday. I already reported in Bio. Sci about Food Additives, it's advantages and disadvantages, effects and Incidental or Indirect Food Additives. I feel so relieved!

I slept last night at 2 am in the morning because I finished my Powerpoint presentation for my report in Bio.Sci, I stayed up late because my brother used my pc for his resume. Well, I didn't felt really sleepy that time maybe because I slept from 5:45 until 8:15 yesterday and then I ate my dinner. I also watched the episode last night of Coffee Prince. I will really watch that series on summer vacation. ϋ

My schedule for my Davao trip will be on April 8-10 via airplane. xDD I thought I'll stay there for a week, I wish I could stay longer. But on March, I'll go to Escudero, I dunno where is that but I think its far better than going to Boracay.

I'm also planning if I will continue to be a vegetarian, my mom really wants me to and I already contracted her for my plan of losing weight and fat this summer. LOL. ϋ This will serve as a test if I really have discipline for myself.

I'll be posting some more by tomorrow, well.. do expect that I'll be bitter again tomorrow, it's not really because of Valentines Day but I just feel posting something about me tomorrow, more random things, realizations and of course, about what happened last weekend in Crowne Plaza Hotel. ϋ

Damn. I don't think I'm in the mood to write something right now, I'll extend my valentine post, I dunno when but I hope for tomorrow. All I wanna say is that... Happy Hearts Day to Everyone~! ♥

Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis
Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Ramdam mo ba ang init? Paparating na ang summer! -_-

Ay grabe... Super dami ng ginagawa lalo na ngayong finals. Halos nakuha ko na lahat ng grades nung midterms at grabe, puro line of 2 na lang grades ko, waaaaah! T_T What have I done! Siguro section C or D na ko pero sabi ng iba, yung top 40 na lang daw yung irarank next school year tapos yung iba naka arrange na lang in alphabetical order. ϋ Well, ngayong finals medyo nabuhayan na ko na dapat bumawi ng konti ngayon lalo na sa chemistry and math. OMFG talaga. Tapos ewan ko ba, meron kaming presentation sa Mandarin this Wednesday at super nagpeprepare yung section namin. This 2nd sem, ang daming unfair na nangyari. Isa na yung pagbigay samin ng other set of exam na mas mahirap kesa sa ibang section tapos like in Mandarin, kami lang naman ang may presentation at yung ibang sections wala, nagpapakasarap sila simula bukas hanggang tuesday. Supposedly, wala talaga kaming pasok simula bukas hanggang tuesday kaso... Lintek! Merong community service bukas from 10 am to 12 noon. Tapos, as one of the members of the Props Committee in Mandarin, gagawin namin yung props bukas sa house daw ng friend ko, sana matapos na bukas kahit gabihin ako, wag lang magkaroon ng gagawin sa Monday dahil yun na lang talaga ang kaisa isang araw na wala akong gagawin pero may date kami ni blizz so pupunta lang akong mall. ϋ Sa tuesday naman, general practice sa Mandarin kaya kelangang pumunta sa school.

Kahapon, pumunta kami sa Divisoria at super wasted ako paguwi. Kasama ko sina Phoebe, Dave, Sha, Ikko, Carl and Nene. Tumingin lang ng props and costumes pero bumili na ko ng Chinese dress para hindi na ko babalik ngayon. Salamat na lang dahil this week of preparation, wala namang sumasabay na ibang subjects na nagpapaquiz kundi, nakoooo.. Ang hirap ibalance ang time for studying tapos yung Mandarin pa. Ang pinagtataka ko lang is, bakit ganito kagrabe ang ginagawa namin sa Mandarin, eh for 50 points lang naman, kung maeexempt kami sa finals, mas okay pa na maghirap kami ng ganito. OR kung for Chemistry or Math ba toh, talagang mas okay pa! ϋ Pero anyway, ganun talaga.

Sa Filipino, puro panonood na lang ng movies and analysis ang gagawin namin. For two days, pinapanood namin yung classic Filipino movie na Ang Tangi Kong Pag-Ibig, super tagal na ng movie na toh pero sabi ko nga sa dati kong posts, mahilig talaga kong manoond ng mga ganitong movie, yung mga black & white. ϋ Sa dalawang araw na panonood, hindi pa din natatapos yung movie, 3 hours talaga, eh 1 hour lang kung imeet namin yung Filipino. Aside from that, meron pa kaming papanoorin sa March, it will be a play in Quezon City entitled Skin Deep. Tickets are for Php 300 pero Php 250 na lang samin, ang mahal ha! Mga Saigon kasi yung cast eh pero wala si Lea Salonga. I'm hoping na maganda talaga toh. At ayun, syempre magsusubmit kami ng reaction about this.

Anu pa ba? We will dance Tango as finals namin sa P.E., 2 nights daw yung sayawan na yun sa month of March. Hay nako, ayoko munang isipin toh, ayoko talaga ng P.E. Hmmmm.. Sana sa 1st sem ng second year, ganahan na ulit ako mag-aral para 2A na ko sa 2nd sem. ϋ Wish me luck! ϋ Ayun lang muna sa ngayon... Inaantok ako eh. ^.^