We are in a democratic country! This blog and everything in it is owned by a not perfect human being. She doesn't force you to read or agree with what she puts or writes here, so if you see something you don't like, the X button up there is more than happy to serve you. Copying, taking or reproducing are not allowed without her consent. Feel free to leave a message on her tagboard. I respect whatever your opinion may be because I'm entitled with my opinion. :) I rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for what I am not.

August 30, 2006 

I should've posted here since I got home from our retreat last Monday up to Wednesday, we arrived home at school at 4 PM.. Actually, almost all of us got headaches, got tired and of course didn't have a sleep especially the boys and my friend Asami, my god! That was the first time I almost didn't sleep, I will never forget that night. The first night, I was planning to sleep though I really can't sleep, also Asami, we're six in the room no.4 :Me, Asami, Chantal, Tiffin, Rubina and May Anne, I'll soon post our pictures. So because our minds are still awake, we just thought of some naughty things inside the room together with the boys outside. We record a video of the people who were asleep that time and we really enjoyed it. nyahaha.. Sorry for those people! After that, I felt dizzy at exactly 3:30 in the morning, I managed to sleep but Asami was still awake that time, even if I thought she would take a picture of me while I was sleeping, my mind doesn't care at all!

And at the second night, all of us managed to get sleep but I was the last one who got sleep because of writing some letters, I've already read the letters at the same time.. XDD I think I had received 48 letters.

August 31, 2006

Actually, I was absent that day or should I say we were absent, 23 in our section were present over 52 students in the section, wahaha.. After the retreat, some people got sick and some were still sleeping on that day because of headaches, over fatigue?, still sleepy.. XDD

Currently..

I've received my report card, I had realized last night, I must not expect something. Actually, I was expecting to get higher grades than last year, I was hoping I can get an honor role by getting grades not lower that 85. That stupid teacher.. err... she gave me 84 (the only subject) in English. I was quite relieved of what my adviser told me, even if I got 85 above grade this year, I am still not included in the honors because of my last year grades. I must be an honor student since last year to be an honor student this year. Hmm.. so quite satisfied, my goal now is to get higher average grade this coming second grading period.

History repeats Itself?

I believed that. Last sunday while writing letters for my friends in my room, he texted me and saying that he still loves me! Wow, is that him?! He's so brave to tell me those things, and he really wants me back. To tell my reactiond.. "Tears of Joy" <3333, nyahaha. Anyway, to cut the story short, we haven't talk to each other in person and that's what I'm waiting for but for now, I don't want to do the first move since he's the one who set me free. For now, I admit I still like him but I want my trust to him return, Jaevert said "yung trust dati na nabasura na". Yeah! And our closeness, I want it to get back since we're shy to approach each other. To tell the truth, our love story has not yet ended.

Darn brownout! XD Back to normal school days again! Next week will be our second long test.. And our field trip will be on Sept. 29. I'm just hoping that something good will happen before that day. To think about the things that had happened this year to me, I noticed that it was so confusing besides my love life, my friends and family are so confusing and I'm fighting for those problems I'm encountering. I'm so thankful to those people who are/were always there for me and never let go of me and my friendship. For those acquaintances who always give me a reason to smile and laugh. Many things had happened and I really didn't expect that I'm gonna love this person this far. I thought after we've broked up, I can really get over with him just like my past boyfriend but on the other side of my mind that I knew it will never be easy right now.

Hearing from my friends' advice, someone said that I'm still the one who will decide about it even though they give me so many advice. She thinks that he is really not sincere with reconciling with me because that person is like a "come what may" who oftens tells me that I'm the one who will decide, yes, that's true but to decide, I really must prove to myself if that person is all worth it. She also said that he's the one who must think about our reconciliation and not me but it seems that I'm always the one who is thinking about it seriously. It seems he's not proving it me more than I was expecting to and just like what I had said, he's expecting me to do something or simply "come what may", if I will not take him back, then it's okay to him?! WTF!! For me, if he really wants me back, he must pursue and prove to me despite of what had happened.

I've realized that it's not easy to start again though I really want him back and I waited this moment to happen, but because of the past and maybe cause us to fear of loving each other again, that's why it's so unclear for us. But I think this story will be a happy ending, and the situation I am encountering right now will take for a while. I could say that I'm just waiting and hoping, you're not the one who must wait, you do something.

Thank God!! The printer is working.. XD Actually, I'm still doing my assignments but it seems I've finished one of them, I just slept when I got home then woked up at 7:30 so that's why it's really late by now. Today, I dunno but I'm so moody! Thanks to my friends/seatmates, they keep on laughing and making jokes to make me happy just for a while. I've been so lazy for few days, I dunno.. And I keep on thinking about him, Chantal was always telling me to stop thinking about what is happening between me and that him!! but I just can't..

To think that he's been bothering me, maybe it's also my fault because I keep on going to their classroom so I always see him though I'm talking with my friends there.

Today, he hurted me for second time !! Oh men! I just can't explain how I feel for now maybe I'm not in the mood to be so emotional right now.

Today is my mom's birthday, Happy Birthday! I dunno how old she is, nyahaha.. Our long test will be on Thursday, darn.. Time goes really fast.. I had already photocopied dlsu and ust entrance exam forms. XD Actually, something crossed my mind earlier this morning, I was thinking if I took a one year rest? or one year review, I mean, I would not go to college after the graduation. Instead, I would go after one year. XDD But I'm not that so sure, I'm planning to tell it to my sister. Since I'm not yet sure about what course I will take up.

Anyway, I'm currently searching for some poems (love poems actually.. >_<, just want to share some of those:

 

Choice - Angela Morgan

I'd rather have the thought of you
To hold against my heart,
My spirit to be taught of you
With west winds blowing

Than all the warm caresses
Of another love's bestowing,
Or all the glories of the world
In which you had no part.

I'd rather have the theme of you
To thread my nights and days,
I'd rather have the dream of you
With faint stars glowing,

I'd rather have the want of you,
The rich, elusive taunt of you
Forever and forever and forever unconfessed
Than claim the alien comfort

Of any other's breast.
O lover! O my lover, That this should come to me!
I'd rather have the hope of you,
Ah, Love, I'd rather grope for you

Within the great abyss Than claim another's kiss- Alone I'd rather go my way Throughout eternity.

Time does not bring relief - Edna St Vincent Millay

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain; I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,

And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide.
There are a hundred places where I fear

To go - so with his memory they brim.
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face I say,
'There is no memory of him here!'

And so stand stricken, so remembering him.

The Healing Heart by Gary R. Hess
Shattered heart forced to heal as greatness unveils thine soul.

Hope whispered in the distance, to recover thine lost love.

'Tis night brings tender passing, healing thine soul with glorious blunder.

Caus' not one or two, but dissipated nights of dreams.

Sadness comes to end, happiness conquered hate.

Love sprouting -- sadness shrinking, hope has come again.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

I've been searching for some anime Gothic Lolita images but I didn't found any new.. I just found this: XD

 

I've been neglecting my blog, because of so much things to do especially in school. XD These are the upcoming activities:

 

• Report in Music/Historical Tableau (Monday)
• Computer club website
• Props making! (Sunday)
• Ballroom dancing in P.E (thursday??)
• Interpretative Dance (friday)
• Layout for Manoel
• Layout for my blog

 

DARN it!!