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Actually, I like to post my first entry in here on the month of August, but since I saw my layout.. It 'seduce' me, so I change my mind..

This entry is entitled 'depressing', because this day sucks!!.. I am broken-hearted and I am exhausted.. Damn!! "Last time he broke my heart into two, now.. he just broke my heart into pieces".. I am pertaining to Airisu [my new codename for my crush means 'iris'].. XD

The real story behind that line is because he just rejected me. When I found out last monday, I talked to my ex-bf.. he and Airisu are close friends, and my ex-bf open the topic about me, telling Airisu that I have a crush on him. But Airisu already knew, so I have no reasons to be angry to my ex-bf.. so I just let it go.. But the sad thing here is.. Airisu doesn't like me at all.. I dont know why Im reacting like this since I really dont want him to be my crush. He only serve as my inspiration in my studies. The effect to me of what happened is just forget it and pretened that I dont care at all!!.. XD

I just forgive and forget him for four days, but forgetting him is a big lie!! I've realized that I just lied to myself.. When this early morning I was curious why people are staring at me especially Airisu's friends, maybe they already found out that I have a crush on their friend, but the only thing I can do is just to pretend that he's just an ordinary person to me.. XD After that, a big bomb just explode that my heart that was broken into two was just broken into pieces knowing that Airisu wants to court my bestfriend, damn!! Airisu found out that I already know that he wants to court my bestfriend, but he just denied it in front of me, as if he dont trust at me.. But maybe he dont want me to get hurt because he know that I have a special feelings for him.. But Im just an idiot, always telling my self that.. "i dont really care at all because having a crush on him is just a big joke, I just want an inspiration and that's all! No more than that!!"..

But what I am feeling right now for Airisu is so mixed and I dont know what it is!!! XD I really dont know what I am gonna do with him.. should we still became friends/classmates forever? But one thing is surel with what I am feeling right now, that I am not expecting him to court me and to be his girlfriend, because you know why? Because he is just my crush and I am not in love with him and I am definitely know the difference between that!! And I really want to enjoy my single life and being young like this is good!! ^_^